You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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