I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
