I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
