and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So vagazzling was a success
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize