Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
