i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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