i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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