even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
