pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
