Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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