Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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