there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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