he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
