I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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