Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
