ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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