Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
