This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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