I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
