The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The uberlube is also flammable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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