thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
