I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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