I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
