so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
