i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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