Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
