For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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