I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
