I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize