never play flip cup with pint glasses
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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