I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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