Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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