Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
