So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
