I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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