I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
