Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
