My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
