If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
