I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well I just put wine in my tea
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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