Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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