I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We are two peas in an std pod
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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