There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
