Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
