So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
