How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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