I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize