you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize