i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
