And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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