I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
