Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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