Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
