I can text with my tongue
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I AM VODKA MAN
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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