Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize