Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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