My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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