I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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