I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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