last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
a search helicopter?!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
