you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
