On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
