I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
