a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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