When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my being single is dangerous.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
