Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
