K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
