i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
