the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
