Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
