i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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