This is not my ceiling
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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