Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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