Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You're like the curious george of whores
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
