So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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