I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Randomize