omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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